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To: Saying Goodbye

I have had to say goodbye to things and people in my life that at moments or stages in my life seem to have taken everything from me.

We grow and allow things and people to be deeply roots in our heart and when asked to say good bye a part of our heart goes with it.

I can remember the first time I lost my best friend.  I still remember waving good bye and feeling as though I was saying goodbye to every memory we had made.  At five years old across town seemed too far and my heart broke for what it felt and understood.

As I grew I had to say goodbye to many things that my heart longed to keep forever.  At the time my world was crushed, but as pieces were put back together perspective became tangible, helping dull its sharp edges.

When I left for college I was driven to break up with a boy friend as I could foresee our paths would not be happy together in the future.  Our passions and desires were too different.  I knew I had to say goodbye, but my world went into a million pieces.  I had no idea how to pick up an entire globe that existed.  His rotation helped mine keep in place, without his, I did not know how to keep on spinning. It seems funny to be talking about this now as I have been married to the man of my dreams now for 11 years with three beautiful children, but, at that time of my life, saying goodbye was what my existence was about.  Learning to continue to rotate by myself, alone at college in an entire new place was foreign and the most uncomfortable I have ever been in my life.  It has taken me many, many years to overcome those feelings of having to be alone and rocking my world.  But, saying good bye to that old friend, and moving away from home to a new place also shifted my world into a new, healthier access.  That perspective took years to see and understand.

Sometimes it is all about timing and saying goodbye.  Are we ready and prepared or is simply the act of saying goodbye what teaches us what we need to know?  Having to move away to college, a break up, and adjusting to college life is what taught me what I needed to know.  I don't think it was necessarily that specific person or just moving away from home, but it was saying goodbye to everything I knew, so I could learn to grow up, depend on new things and grow from being independent.

A few years later all my pain hit, and I fought the loss of my healthy body.  I still struggle with this and I fight for what I once had.  But, as I have fought to say goodbye to the old self, I have gained confidence and empowerment as I am able to let in the new me and accept what is.

With my last post I spoke of acceptance as we sail new waters and arrive upon new destinations.  Currently I am faced with saying goodbye to a lifestyle I am comfortable with and struggle to accept the new one I know I must explore.

Isn't that life, saying goodbye to things and people that were once deeply rooted into our hearts, and find new paths, develop new habits and relationships, and choose to be okay with the goodbye because many times that goodbye opens a door that allows us to feel and experience what is meant to be?

A goodbye many times is the hardest thing we must do, but in its acceptance and understanding our new rotation, we discover its okay to wave goodbye and across town no longer seems that far away.


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